being mad /PMS again

有时我真的觉得自己有点神精病。我总是为些有的没的而烦闹。

今天下午我发了信息叫他打来。我们说好了下周末见一会儿，我起初提议能出门喝或吃一点还是想到咱俩的老地方。他就很快的说就到老地方，还说什么反正是最后一次。对阿，这次将真的会是今年的最后一次因过了下周末的星期一他就会回到北京待个四五个月，二月初才会再次来到这。上次见的时候，他自己提议了明年文明交往。他还说了明年会较忙，可能更少时间见了。他也说若是明年感觉不在了就做好朋友。这一点就是我今晚所烦的事。明年当他回来的时候会，咱俩之间会有什么改变吗？可能谁会少点喜欢对方，可能谁会变心，可能咱俩会更亲，可能什么变化都没有。这段时间会对造成什么影响呢？因为有太多的可能了，所以我烦。因为我对自己多过于对咱俩的没信心，所以我烦。

我知道这时候不应该想这些事而我也不想想这些有的没的问题。时间会带来它所的带来的答案。话说回来，我想我是因那东西快来了才会胡思乱想，因我每次胡思乱想的时候也就是差不多这个时候。

这段时间我真的是什么都胡思乱想。读书读累了和加上读书的压力，我放松一会儿也会想一想考试那天的事，成绩会是侧么样，我有会报读什么，在那里读之类的有的没得问题。我真的快发疯了。夜深人静的时候最糟糕。在这学习的日子里，我就是每隔一段时间就处于这疯不疯，自己辅导自己的日子。这也是因压力所造成的吧。新加坡的学习制度所造成的压力之类的问题也就是我为何会那么想到外国读书。可能我还幼子吧，可是我很清楚的知道我讨厌新加坡的上上下下。不知从什么时候开始，我就已经有想要移民的念头。我早就不相信这会有什么会让我想留下的人或事。对，我家人和朋友都在这，但是我想出去闯，出去看一看外面的世界是多么的不一样和想要长期离开新加坡的念头实在是很强。这想法起码从过去的几年到现在都没什么多大的改变。

好了，我得去忙我的事了。我猜想没什么人来读我的这些所谓的日记，但是我不知为何还想把这些想法写下。可能过段时间我就会改回写日记簿了。

今天我又到机场读书了，而和平常不一样的就是我叫了我班上的一位男同学也来和我们一起读。你别看我每次都读书但我的基础还是不好，有时省直连看了答案后还不知答案为何如此。我真的觉得自己特糟糕。这也是我为何请学业上比我好的Gerard(栋梁)来，好让我有什么不懂的都能一次过的问到完。

还有，今天是我妈的生日，早上就吃麦当劳，傍晚从机场早点回来和家人一起享用了简单的一顿晚餐。吃晚餐的时候他终于又来电话了。我一直都很想他，白天想一点但到了晚上真的有时特想。我们也没说到什么，就聊了一会的如何见，没时间或钱出门见和如何把钱交给他。

我想我这一两个星期不会花费太多的时间在网上写这些所谓的日记，得多读书。我看就等到有什么灵感和所谓的特别的事发生才写吧。

chinese....testing 1，2，3

唉。。。今天又是一个很闷的一天。今早配Denise到医院看医生，过后就到她家读书到七点多。一整天不知这么的就是有时有点头痛，不然就是有点想吐。

傍晚的时候赵洋来了一会儿的电话，问我那什么《金山公主》的戏找到没之类的，也没说到什么就括了。一整天都挺想他的。我脑里还时不时的浮现出咱俩在一起的一些镜头，还是能听得到他说的话之类的。对了，昨天问他他北京的地址是什么，本想在他生日的时候寄给他生日礼物什么的他还跟我扯什么家在农村，信箱是几户人家一起用的。说什么把朋友的地址给我，他在从那拿。他这人明说父亲是当官的之类的话，这农村的我相信才怪呢。

好了，不说了。

PS: Pardon me, need to try out my chinese. Haven't written chinese in prose for a long time. need to chack it out in case I want to write in Chinese for him to read while overseas? Is there a possibility? Maybe

great climax day: go out after a long quarrel

Well, come online to make this a quick one again.

Well, you see I went out with my beau today and man the whole process of getting him to go out was just so terrible. It all began last night and lasted till about 12 plus this afternoon. We agreed a long time ago that we would meet today and go out for a movie at orchard but then he was telling me that all his team mates are going to town for a movie and was saying that if we run into them then he would have to go with them. It all began then. We was saying that he will listen to mew but all the ideas that I came up with were deemed stupid by him and he knows what he wants me to say but just won’t say it. Then I thought he didn’t want to meet. Then he was also not feeling very well. He was really psst with me and I was pissed at him and was feeling terrible about it all. Then I really gave in and try my best to humor him and not be angry with me but he was still firm that he don’t want to meet already. Then when I was like this will the last chance if I am ever going to go out with you before you go home and was saying that I will top up his card and wait for him to cool it and be healthy then talk again. Then after some time after that he was like ok we’ll meet and pretend to whole quarrel did not happen.

Well, I had a little and we went to watch Anaconda: The hunt for the black orchard at gv marina. Well, the storey is that there is a small group of scientist in some mega corp. in the US and the flower that they found out about can prolong cell’s life, thereby prolong life and even youth itself. The flowers blooms for 6 months, once in 7 years and they are left with 2 weeks to get it. So it’s the rainy season in Boneo, no ship will go out but off course in the end they managed to get this 2 other guys to bring them out to. Sigh…long storey…check it out yourself. So its Well, the movie was alright, not fabulous but not lousy. Although like the comments that the snake was not finely intoned with the movie, it was still passable. The whole thing certainly lives up to its name of being a trailer. Man….its a gigantic snake and a group of helpless people in the jungle/swamps of Boneo, what other excitement or adventure can you expect?

Then when we were watching the movie, I was like lining on his shoulder now and then…blissful feeling :) After the movie, when we were going to the place where we usually hang out, on the bus I suddenly thought of something. Although this may be pure coincidence but we 2 are the kind that likes to talk during the movie, btw, there wasn’t much people in the cinema at all and it was freezing cold. By Priyanka’s standards, me grabbing my mouth and talking to myself during the show is a lot of noise. Imagine we were really talking. Like he telling me that this character will surely die cause this…..this…this….and who will survive cause the previous installment was like this…this…this….something is going to happen to so and so……well, we sure do talk in the movies.

Well, at a nice time together at night. It was totally a better time spent together. We were also talking about many things. Saying how people will change….saying that I may hate him one day even if we are both not unfaithful….about next year….about monetary stuff….and a little about how it will be when he goes back and when he comes back. I am certainly very afraid for us. I really don’t know on what note will we start of next year. Will he be naughty like last year? Will I be tempted to look at some other guy when he is away? There is like a 101 possibilities that can happen to us in the near future or far future and I am certainly afraid of them….

Btw, do you know that I am an Aries? Well, Aries has many good qualities and some of this can work against the Aries. A very good example on me s that Aries are good at keeping rules, making sure that all the things should be are, even till the fine details. I can really be good at that thou I am slacking about it now but the thing is that because Aries can be entrusted to keep things that way it is, Aries likes to have things the way it is. That means they are resistant to change. I am.

Then there is also another thing that ponder in my mind at times…..well, everyone around me know only part of me. And most of the time it is the more presentable me I would say. Sometimes, I wonder what if they knew some dark secrets or some personal stuff that is in itself dubious in nature or whatever….just something not very pleasant to the ear. Well, will they still see me in the same light? If I were to say that boyfriends and husbands should have good stamina, how will you read it? The straight and good way or the crocked and good way?

vj track photo n mass dance

Well, just want come online and load a track pic 2003/2004 thingie. Check it out.

This morning went with my sisters to East Coast Park for some inline skating beginners thingy. It was still ok as it was really very beginners and well, after the whole session, I still do not know how to break sigh…..

Then at the end of the whole thing, there was this boy in my group who initiated to talk to me. Well, the conversation was more or less like some empty comments kind of thing. Well, his name is Earnest and the only other 2 things that h told me was that he was here with his sister and that he is 19. Then shortly after that I got to make a move so didn’t even leave a contact thou he was the face like want to ask want to ask some more. But sadly, his looks can’t really make it, and a bit of that kind of like to talk big attitude.

Then, the exciting thing just now was that I heard the one of the VJC mass dance songs on class 95 and I was dancing to it….er…too long didn’t dance so forget some of the steps. Then the room a bit not enough space to step around properly.

Ok, got to go now